On Staying Power (Revisited)

STAYING POWER (REVISITED) IS ONE OF THOSE PUNCTUATIONS THAT COMES EVERY 22 PAINTINGS OR SO – A PAINTING THAT FLOWS FROM ME SO FLUIDLY THAT IT CAN ONLY BE AN ACT OF COMPLETE FORFEITURE.

I PAINT REACHING AND STRETCHING INTO THE CONJURING. GIVING MY PAINTINGS THE CONTEXT OF LINEAR TIME WOULD BE FUTILE. I DON’T WANT TO PAINT BACKWARDS, AND I CAN’T JUST PAINT FORWARDS. CONVERSATIONS WITH MY PAINTINGS REACH THROUGH THE PAST AND EXTEND INFINITELY BEYOND DRY AND DONE.

WE HAD A GOOD PARTING. BEFORE IT BECAME AN ACQUISITION, IT MADE ITS WAY TO THE MFAH 2022 GLASSELL SUMMER EXHIBIT. I WAS SURPRISED IT WAS ACCEPTED TO THE SHOW. AS ARTISTS, WE GET VERY COMFORTABLE WITH NO. I HANDED IT OVER TO THE CURATORS AND TOOK OFF FOR A MOTHER-DAUGHTER TRIP TO DISNEY WORLD -- A BIG YES FOR MY GIRL, BECAUSE Y’ALL KNOW I WOULD RATHER STICK A FORK IN MY EYE THAN GO TO DISNEY. BUT THERE WE WERE, STANDING AT THE BOTTOM OF SPLASH MOUNTAIN, SOAKING WET, GIGGLING, MY DAUGHTER BEGGING ME FOR A THIRD RUN, AND I TRYING TO FIGURE OUT IF I AM REALLY 8 OR 46. THE LAST TIME I RODE SPLASH MOUNTAIN, I WAS 8 AND NOW I AM SOMEWHERE BETWEEN MY INNER-CHILD AND ADULT-SELF AT DISNEY DUSK WITH ITS STRANGE RHYTHMIC ROLLER COASTER HOLLERS. IN A CLASSIC PARENTAL AVOIDANCE MOVE, I CHECKED MY EMAIL DURING THIS THIRD-RUN NEGOTIATION. LOW AND BEHOLD, THE PAINTING HAD WON THE JUROR’S AWARD, BEST IN SHOW. IT’S ONE OF THOSE KEEP GOING PIECES. AND HOW BEFITTING THAT THIS PAINTING ENDED UP IN THE OFFICE OF A CEO WHO HAS BEEN MARRIED FOR 30+ YEARS AND LAUNCHED FOUR BOYS! THIS MAKES ME HAPPY. 

I OFTEN WRITE ABOUT MY PAINTINGS AFTER THE MAKING TO BETTER EXCAVATE THEM. HERE IS WHAT I SEE IN STAYING POWER (REVISITED). I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR WHAT YOU SEE.

THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SCARY, LONELY, MURKY. STAYING POWER IS CALLED UPON IN THE DARK – A MYSTERIOUS, DISTANT, AND FLEETING FORCE OF CONSTITUTION. IT IS AN ACT OF BRAVERY AND COMMITMENT THAT NO ONE ACTUALLY WANTS TO FISH FROM WITHIN. IT IS STANDING IN A PUDDLE OF PRIMAL TAR, KNOWING THAT YOU’LL BE WILLINGLY GLUED INTO SUBMISSION.

TRUSTING THAT BEING STUCK WILL BRING REVELATIONS IS AN ACT OF FAITH OR MADNESS – EITHER WAY, IT’S AMBIGUOUS AS HELL. NOW THE LIGHT IS OUT. THE BELLY IS COLD. THE TAR IS STRONG. DIVORCE YOURSELF FROM MADNESS BECAUSE THIS IS A MARRIAGE TO STILLNESS.

STAYING POWER IS HOLDING: STOIC SPINE SILENTLY BENDING WITH FEET ANCHORED. A STOICISM IRONICALLY FUNDED BY FAITH. THE BENDING BECOMES SWAYING. IT IS A LONGING FOR SAVASANA AND KNOWING IT’S NOT TIME YET. HOLD! ESCAPING IS JUST THE FOOL’S FOLLY. THERE IS NO EJECT BUTTON FOR THE SELF.

HOLD, BEND, SWAY AND RESIST, AND A MIRACULOUS GENESIS OCCURS. THE BELLY STIRS. DREAMS OF EMBERS, FLEETING AS THEY ARE. STAY WITH IT. THEY RISE AND VANISH, NOW DREAMING FOR A SPARK. SMOKE RISES FROM THE SOUL. THROW COAL, STACK SPIRITUAL WOOD! BUILD YOUR PYRE!

AT LAST, THE LIGHT PERCOLATES. LOOKING UP, ALL THAT WAS OBSCURED IS BECOMING REVEALED IN WASHES AND FLASHES AS THE LIGHT GLOWS FROM WITHIN. KEEP SHUNNING THE BRITTLE AND FICKLE UNTIL THE VEILS DISSIPATE AND THE EXIT ILLUMINATES. THE OPACITY CLARIFIES, DISTILLS, AND COLLAPSES.

SAVASANA.